10. You’re not a real person, and you’re just following me as a way to get me to check out your spammy Twitter page and then click through to your adult dating site.
9. Egregious self-promotion: You post tweets about every single blog post you publish. I already have an RSS newsreader, ok?
8. You tweet live blow-by-blows about TV news, or football games, or presidential debates. I don’t mind that you tell me you’re watching something interesting — just don’t try to liveblog it over Twitter. If I wanted to follow the football game, I’d turn on the friggin’ TV.
7. Ninety percent of your tweets are about Twitter itself. Or Facebook. I get it already: Social media are remaking the web, and society. Now can we talk about something else?
6. You’re directing every RSS feed you generate into Twitter. Your Flickr photo, Tumblr blog, linkblog — they’re all shoved into Twitter like ground pork into a sausage casing. Seeing an automatically-generated message that begins “Links for 2008-01-24” makes me feel like the robots have truly taken over. Next!
5. Your Twittering is so fast and furious I was missing messages from my actual friends.
4. You Twitter about your bodily functions. So your iPhone lets you Twitter while you’re sitting on the can — but I don’t need to know that.
3. You respond to every friggin’ tweet with an @ shout-out. Learn to use D, ok?
2. You’re not following me.
1. I don’t know you.